Stage 4 Cancer While Still Serving...

What happens when you’re still serving your country… and get diagnosed with stage 4 cancer?

In this episode, we sit down with Ron and Kate Belany — a Navy family navigating life after a stage 4 colon cancer diagnosis.

From early symptoms that were easy to dismiss… to a misdiagnosis… to starting treatment just weeks later — this conversation dives into what that journey really looks like.

We also talk about:

•  The moment everything changed 
•  What treatment is actually like day-to-day 
•  The role of the caregiver (and why it’s just as hard) 
•  Military support systems that helped along the way 
•  The mental battle behind cancer 
•  And how perspective shifts when nothing is guaranteed 

Ron’s mindset is simple: stay positive, stay present, and keep going.

This is a real conversation about resilience, family, and fighting forward.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

All right, welcome. My name is Ashton Cromoner. I am your host of the Veteran Cancer Talk. I have my co-host Casey with me. And then our two special guests for today are Kate and Ron Bellamy, stage for colon cancer, and uh also a current serving uh Navy uh sailor. So welcome, Kate, welcome Ron. So glad to have you on the show. Thank you. We're excited to be here.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 0:20

So, Ron, tell me a little bit about what you do in the in the Navy.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Yeah, so I was a 2008 Naval Academy graduate, uh, commissioned as a flight officer and finished at flight school in 2010, got out to my first squadron in Hawaii, uh, met Kate while we were out in while I was stationed out in Hawaii after my first deployment, moved here to Jacksonville uh to be an instructor at the Fleet Replacement Squadron in 2014, transitioned out to San Diego in 2017 as a shooter on the Theodore Roosevelt, spent about a year in Millington doing some flag work and then back to Jacksonville for my department tour and follow-on orders. So we've been in Jacksonville now for six years going on seven since about uh 2019.

SPEAKER_04 1:06

That's almost unheard of. I've never, I mean, I hardly ever talked to anybody that gets to spend six years in one duty station. Do you enjoy the area? Did you fight to stay here in this particular area or yeah, you know, Jacksonville is such a strange city.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

It's not someplace that I ever neither Kate nor I thought that we were gonna call home, but you know, we've been here for so long that it's kind of become that, you know, our our friend and work circles are here. Kate has family right down the road in Tampa, so they're the kids get to see their grandparents, you know, every so often. Um getting follow-on orders after my department head tour to the same uh you know home port station was was extremely convenient. And then once once the cancer diagnosis hit, uh they couldn't PCS me anywhere else. So I had to stay in place in my current unit.

SPEAKER_04 2:02

Now, were you on the offer? Because I I hear stories on OLES Online and other people that we talked to where they were kind of given the option to be able to retire, you know, retire because of their medical diagnosis. Is that something that you know you were offered, or did you, you know, were were you wanting to be able to stay in and continue with your 20 years?

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Yeah, so I was diagnosed in July of 2023, um, right after my 15-year mark. And the intent previous to the diagnosis was to serve my 20, you know, get the health care, get the pension. I was still enjoying what I was doing, so quality of life was great. Diagnosis hit, and that kind of turned everything upside down, obviously. So I'll be at 18 years next month. May 23rd, I'll be at 18 years. So the the 20-year finish line is extremely close. I've never throughout the treatment process, I've never gotten pressure from my command um about transitioning out of the Navy. Oh, that's wonderful.

SPEAKER_04 3:05

Kate, how was it for you? I mean, obviously it's never easy being a military spouse, but then on top of that, he is still in the military and currently going through, you know, cancer. So tell tell me about that.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

Sure. Yeah, of course. I mean, a cancer diagnosis is never easy. On one side of things, it's made the military side of the house easier because, like Ron mentioned, we haven't had to move around and we have young children at home. So in that sense, it's made things a lot easier. And we don't have to, he's not deploying right now, so we're not having to deal with a deployment schedule. But of course, it's it's scary. I mean, we don't know what his future looks like. We try not to think about it very often because it's totally out of our control. But of course, it it comes up from time to time, and we want him to have to be able to finish out his career.

SPEAKER_04 3:56

So, what's been the support like from the military community for you guys?

SPEAKER_01 4:01

So, you know, the I'm in the the PA community, so the Maritime Patrol and Reconnaissance. It's a pretty large community, but having so many years in, the community gets smaller and smaller and smaller. So you you tend to know a lot of the people that are still still around. I still have some friends that are active duty from flight school, you know, when I was going back going through back in like 2008, 2009 time frame. Um, and they've absolutely stepped up um whether you know food delivery, yard work, things like that, that I wasn't unable to take care of anymore. Um, we've got tremendous support from the military community who's more like more like family now.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

I love this question. I don't think we've ever been asked that, but I have this just video replaying in my head. There was a week where Ron had a pretty big surgery. He had a colon resection, and his team just totally stepped up without us asking, without even asking us if it was really okay, which we appreciate because it's so hard to ask for help. So they had what it was almost two weeks long of someone showing up to our doorstep and providing us a home cooked meal for two weeks straight. And they would have continued that for as long as we wanted. Like we had to finally say, like, okay, I think we've got it. But they've just been, they've been incredible, and we've we're so thankful for that.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

And it it wasn't just meals, it was I was on a specialized diet too. So they they had to go low residue, low fiber for me, and they stepped up and hit it out of the park.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

So just went completely out of their way to make sure that your dietary uh restrictions are, you know, you're eating healthy, basically, based off of those.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Yeah, and and more importantly, you know, you know, the kids are fed.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Yeah, yeah, very true. So, uh Ron, how did you even find out? Like what happened, what caused you to be like, hey, something's up?

SPEAKER_01 5:58

So I kind of danced around it for a while. I'm not saying that I ignored any major issues, um, but throughout my department ed tour from 2020 to about 2022, I'd lost 30 pounds. We Kate and I had had our first child, Gray, uh, during that tour. Uh, I was extremely busy, I had deployed twice, and I kind of explained it away. We have this new kid, increased responsibilities at work. I'm not working out as much as I used to.

SPEAKER_03 6:28

So uh And I I remember chalking it up to I was pregnant at the time and I was like, he just feels bad for me. He's not working out because I can't work out anymore, you know. So I had just I like just chalked it up to like he's just empathizing with me and he'll get right back to himself after I deliver this baby.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

He has some more faith in me.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

If anything, he should have been nesting, you know, and gaining what it was it was the it was the exact opposite.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

And over the course of you know, months to years, my bowel movements had changed as well. So I went from maybe two to three bowel movements a day to six or seven. Incomplete. I just spending a lot of time in the bathroom, abdominal pain, and it came to a head, Memorial Day weekend of 2023, where I was double like doubled over in pain just with abdominal cramping. Kate was eight months pregnant at the time, and I was complaining to her that my stomach hurt and I was tired. And she's yeah, yeah, you know, I I didn't get the empathetic response that I was expecting. Uh it was basically, you know, either go to the doctor or shut up. Nicer words than that, uh, but that that kind of spurred everything. Went to the doctor, did some lab work, stole s uh stole samples, they did a chest x-ray, and they caught nodules on the the fringe of the chest x-ray on my lungs. So they followed up with a this is all Navy medicine, by the way. They followed up with a CT scan, found some lesions on my liver, and our daughter Rhodes was born on a Monday, and the diagnosis came that Friday.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

So the Navy diagnosed me with some form of cancer, and then they outsourced me immediately out in town for a GI specialist. So excuse me. The endoscopy followed shortly after, and then a colonoscopy. So I knew that I had some sort of malignancy on June 23rd, and then the colonoscopy confirmed everything on July 3rd, 2023.

SPEAKER_04 8:41

Kate, how was that? Just having a baby and two actually you've you've had two children at this point, and goodness, how how how did that impact, you know, you and your family?

SPEAKER_03 8:53

Von left out another piece of that story. So when he came up, well, let me back up for a second. My father had just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. So we were actually, and he had come in, you know, I just had the babies, so my parents had come up and they were taking a virtual appointment with his oncologist at the time to learn about whether his cancer had metastasized or not. So he had asked me, he's like, Hey, do you mind sitting on the call, just taking notes and, you know, kind of supporting your mother and I? And I was like, Of course, you know, trying to think of the best case scenario in that instant. That was the timing. I was literally just wrapped up with that phone call. We found out that it had not metastasized for my father, which was great news. And then Ron comes home and he delivers. He actually had a bouquet of roses and he was like, Hey, I have cancer. And honestly, it didn't hit me. I well, I think what in the in the moment I just figured, okay, I'm sure it's minimal. What he does a little chemotherapy, and then we're done. You know, maybe it'll be a rough patch for a couple of months, but it'll be over. I don't think it quite, we didn't know the severity of that diagnosis in the moment. And it was also a misdiagnosis, which is another story. Um so I don't, I mean, of I think as the we found out on a Friday and we had no one to talk to. So as that weekend went on, I think it started to sink in a little bit. And oh my gosh, incredibly emotional. He said, I was just had a baby, postpartum, dealing with my father's diagnosis. Now Ron has cancer and we have no idea what's going on. So yeah, just a lot of the your brain just goes to worst case scenario constantly. And it was a whole weekend of that and not being able to talk to anyone about it because I didn't want to share it. We didn't want to share it until we really knew what was going on. Like the cancer that they did diagnose him with. I love Ron for this. He does not do any of the research, and I think that's like totally saved his mental health here. But then I am the one that researches everything and has to look up everything. So he hands me this paper and it's it was called they diagnosed him with fibromyalgia carcinoma, which of course I immediately like Google. And it was, I think it was like less than 5% chance of living five years. And that's the paperwork that they sent him home with. And we just had to sit in that until uh Monday before we could get him in with another doctor. Yeah. So it's the waiting is just it's so hard to control when you don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_04 11:21

I mean, I have so much that I want to sit there and just ask, you know. First of all, I want to comment the fact that, you know, gave her a bouquet of flowers, knowing that that Casey, come on, what the heck wrong? You need to mentor him and mentor a lot of things. But no, that that in itself, but but goodness. So first of all, I mean, you were given a, you know, a misdiagnosis, something that was is obviously always hard, you know, especially with something where you read five years. What was that conversation like between the the two of you? First of all, did you tell him the the prognosis or did you just kind of keep that to yourself?

SPEAKER_03 11:53

No, I didn't tell him. I remember, I think I told my mom, because she like my parents, I was inconsolable at one moment throughout the weekend. And my mom was like, What, you know, talk to me. And I think I shared with her, like I looked up the prognosis. And luckily that's not what the cancer was, but what was she gonna say? She, you know, hugged me and we just sat sat for a second, and you know, we had two young children, we had to move on.

SPEAKER_04 12:16

Now I'm I'm curious though. I mean, it took you guys obviously the weekend to be able to process a little bit, but at what point did you guys go from the misdiagnosis to actually knowing it was colon cancer? What was that time frame like?

SPEAKER_01 12:30

July June 23rd was you know when we knew that there's some sort of malignancy. They sent me home with paperwork that had that fibromyalgia carcinoma on it. Uh, it was actually the funny thing is that it was actually the radiology report, and I didn't know that there were diagnostics on those things. I don't know how he how he diagnosed me with that based on the lesions that he saw on the CT scan of contrast, but that's kind of beside the point. A lot of happy circumstances fell into place. They outsourced me to Borland Gruber, a GI specialist out in town, and they just so happened to have some cancellations. So this was June. The next appointment was in August or September timeframe. Uh, got off the phone, they called me back with a cancellation, they're like, we can see you on Monday. So we went inside the GI specialist, he ordered the endoscopy, and they got me in on the next day, I believe. I think it was a Tuesday endoscopy. Talking to the the doctor after the scope, he said, you know, it doesn't really look like cancer just based on the edges. However, we took a bunch of biopsies and we're gonna get back to you. The next day I get a call. Yep, it's it came back malignant. However, it did not originate in the liver. So we're gonna order a colonoscopy and we're gonna see if we can find you know where it originated. So July 3rd was my colonoscopy. As soon as they as soon as they got in there, they're like, Yep, there it is. So it was a circumferential tumor about six inches up and my sigmoid colon. And uh yeah, that that's kind of started the whole oncology ball rolling once they found out what the primary was. So woke up from the colonoscopy, the GI doc was there. He said, We found the primary, you do have metastases in the liver, so you are stage four rectal adnocarcinoma at this point.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

Wow. Ryan, can can you I'm not very knowledgeable on this particular cancer itself, you know, I've never had it or anything like that. Can you tell me some of the symptoms you experienced before you got checked out? I know you said, you know, you had stomach issues, bowel issues, and stuff like that. Is there any other thing that people might need to look out for?

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Uh definitely blood in the stool. Uh like I didn't I didn't have a prevalence of of that, maybe once or twice. But what I realized after the fact is that my bowel movements were getting pencil thin, like super, super thin just due to the the circumferential tumor in my colon. So physically small holes constricted the constricted my bowel movements and made them far skinnier than what what they used to be. Didn't really pay attention to that.

SPEAKER_03 15:20

And I have something to add too, just from a spouse's perspective on this, because some have asked me, like, didn't you notice I'm like going to the bathroom all the time? And I had, but it was it happened so gradually that it wasn't obvious. You know, like just day by day it got a little bit worse, a little bit worse. And I should have picked up on it that he was in the bathroom for hours a day at that point. So that's just another red flag if your spouse's like vowel habits change or to like tune into that. And cancer was just never on her mind. But something I've heard from another spouse is their husband deployed. And then when they got back, it was super obvious because they hadn't seen them for six months and it progressed over those six months. And she was like, oh my gosh, red flag, he's in the restroom for three, four hours. Like, go get checked out. So, anyways, just sharing like deployments can help in that scenario where you notice the bigger change, but when you're with them all the time, it is really hard to pick up on.

SPEAKER_04 16:20

I think you bring up a good point on that one because that was something that you know we had experienced as well. So, Casey, you know, he had testicular cancer and he kept on complaining of his back hurting, his testicles getting larger and everything. And I just remember laying down in in bed one day and he comes over and he was like, Show me his testicle. And I'm like, I I don't want to see this. Not for the moment, but you know, you know, but we're we're sitting there, you know, like looking at that. I was like, I could just go to a doctor. Like, I'm not a doctor. I may work at a hospital, but like, do I look like a professional to you? And he's like, Does it just look bigger? And I'm like, it looks like balls. Like, go to the doctor.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

Sounds like you're bragging.

SPEAKER_04 16:54

I mean, but it's true though, because so many people, you know, kind of sit there and ask, like, well, did you not notice anything? And I'm like, no, I mean, yes, but no, I mean, he complained a lot more, but I mean, I kept on telling him to go to the doctor, and the doctor was like, No, you're fine. It's IBS. Go take some magnesium and and you know, or it's a muscle strain, it's you know, it's anything else but cancer. And so to your point, I mean, a lot of people, especially those that are younger, you don't, that's not the first thing that comes to your mind of cancer. It's anything else. And if you're looking at in the military culture, that authority coming from a doctor, because I didn't go to medical school. I know my body kind of well, I'm gonna say I know it pretty well, you know. But if a doctor comes to me and it's like, oh, you're fine, you know, there I I have an inclination of saying, Yeah, you know, I I probably I probably am overreacting a little bit. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

And all credit to the the Navy, regardless of the fibromyalilla carcinoma diagnosis, they did not, they didn't brush me off or, you know, try to explain away my concerns at all. Like, let's get you the test that you need. And from the time that I spoke to my flight surgeon to the time that he sat me down in the lobby of the hospital and, you know, kind of explained that radiation and chemotherapy was in the future, in my future, it was it was a matter of days to weeks. So you hear horror stories about, you know, not just Navy medicine, but medicine period, kind of explaining things away and the problem exacerbating in the meantime. Didn't didn't have that experience.

SPEAKER_04 18:24

Yeah, I don't say this often, but kudos to the Navy, uh, the Navy medical team. Hardly ever say that one in my life, but I'm I'm glad that you were able to get that care because you're right, not everybody gets that. I do want to shift focus though. Okay, so after after the the diagnosis and being able to get, you know, I guess next steps you know after the colonoscopy, talk to me a little bit about the treatment from the time that you, you know, were waiting. Obviously, you had a couple of weeks, but talk to me about going into your your treatment, those conversations that you were having with you know each other and what that process was like for you and your family.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

That was that was a blur for me at least. So July 3rd, diagnosis, stage four uh rectilateral necarcinoma, July 18th. I had a port placed for chemotherapy, July 19th, I started chemotherapy. And in between all of that, we met our oncologist. Kate was there for every single one of those appointments. And you know, the one of the first things that my oncologist did was, you know, she stood up and she hugged me. She's like, you know, we're we're gonna beat this thing. So I don't know if you can remember any specifics, Kate, but that like two, two and a half week time frame really was a blur for me.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

Yeah, I think we were just in shock and just like happy that we had answers at this point. It was better than waiting around, even though the answers weren't great. Like the answers kept getting worse, but we were just happy to have a plan, an oncologist that was incredible, and really supported him and said those words like we're gonna beat this. And so we felt we felt good.

SPEAKER_04 19:56

So, what were the infusions like for you?

SPEAKER_01 19:59

So I started out on something called full fox. Um, pretty routine standard of care for colon um colon cancer. It was about a six or seven hour infusion in the chair, and then they gave me a take-home pump for 48 hours that continued the chemotherapy treatment, and then I'd get so I'd get treatment on Tuesday, and then I'd get the pump removed on Thursday. And I would it wasn't like you see on like TV or movies where like actively vomiting during chemotherapy. I felt off and I could tell that something was being pumped into my body, but I was able to drive to and from these appointments just fine. I would feel sick for the next two days while I had the pump on, and then I would be down for maybe three or four days after that. Um, but as I got more and more of these treatments, it was cumulative, so my downtime went from three days to four days to five days, and then I was on a bi-weekly treatment schedule. So initially I had four bad days and ten good days, and I got all the way up to about nine bad days and five good days as treatment progressed. That was from July to around November of 2023, and then they put me on maintenance chemo uh just because just based on the efficacy. Uh I was on something called uh oxaliplatin um originally, and they gave me eight infusions of that, and they wanted to save the oxaliplatin for when we really needed it as kind of a silver bullet. Uh, because yeah, I think you're only allowed to get twelve infusions of oxaliplatin, is that right, Kate?

SPEAKER_03 21:47

I don't know if there's like per se a limit, maybe a in one go, like in one extent, because uh there's it just causes a lot of permanent neuropathy, so you can't do much more than most. people cannot handle more than that.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Yeah, of of course, of course. Those side effects really, really get you. Are you are you I'm guessing neuropathy is probably something you're you're dealing with now.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

So luckily is there anything else luckily my neuropathy it came on uh but as I got off of oxaliplatin the neuropathy kind of faded away. Uh the cold sensitivity and everything that came with with that oxaliplatin has faded away. So it got to the point where I was having difficulty like tying my shoes and like buttoning buttoning buttons just based on the numbness in my fingertips. Also I have numbness in my toes and numbness on the tip of my tongue. But the further out that I got from being off of oxaliquatin those side effects faded away luckily.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

Excellent that that's good to good to know a lot of people it's a lifelong thing that they have to fight with after a certain uh chemos and radiation and everything. So that's that's good that you weren't too affected by it for long term.

SPEAKER_04 22:57

Now I did talk to somebody that was going through colon cancer and I found something out uh when it comes to like the cold sensitivity is they would actually get like they were told by one of their oncologists to get like you know to put on your hands so you're actually putting like your hands in a you know cold you know like you're actually freezing your hands but it's actually supposed to help with that cold sensitivity. Were you ever offered or told about anything like that?

SPEAKER_01 23:19

We actually had that at the oncologist's office in the infusion room. I never used it. They said that also the cold sensitivity was primarily things that you drink or eat. So anything colder than room temperature it's gonna feel like you're swallowing needles and I can absolutely attest to that it did not feel good. But one of the things that they had recommended was actually sucking on ice cubes during the treatment to to kind of ease those symptoms something that I didn't try because it was extremely painful but that was the recommendation.

SPEAKER_03 23:53

Yeah I got one so Kate this is for you okay what is the one complaint that he's not saying of regarding like chemotherapy treatments or like side effects just the whole experience.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

He he seem Ryan you seem like you know you're just centered this is it this is it but I know Kate there's something that's fiery that you you have to say about this.

SPEAKER_03 24:14

No he handled it really well if I'm being honest like he I don't know just had a good mentality about it. Like I'm gonna we're gonna beat this period and I'm gonna make the most I possibly can out of this time. So he like of course when he was actively getting chemotherapy like he was on the couch but he was still trying to be present with the kids even though I know it had to have been so hard because he was so sick. But he was still like hang out on the couch and like try to play games with them and just try to be as present as possible even though I know it had to have been awful but he's not a big complainer. So he's really he handled it well.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

Yeah I'm usually not a big complainer either but uh during during chemo and everything mellow like it just at least to me it just that mellowness you just got to take it you just got to be as happy and calm as possible but the caregiver the caregiver just turns fiery like go get her out there researching everything, talking to everyone scribbling down notes for us.

SPEAKER_04 25:15

They really take care of us and the caregiver gets barely any credit for this whole you know ordeal but yeah you and Ashton you two really carried it Ron and I I'm sure I mean he made chemo look easy uh I will say that I had shoulder surgery like about a year after he completed chemo and I mean I'm like sitting there shaking like my whole body's having to shake because of the pain and everything and then he's like uh I went through chemo and I'm like you can't keep bringing up the cancer card dude it's over it's over it's yeah you can't keep doing this but no I mean he made it look really easy but that I mean how was it for a caregiver? I know I I could not control you know I mean you can only control what you know that that's put in front of you. And so mine was obviously through the the appointments and asking the questions and doing the research and making sure that he was you know where he was supposed to be at the at the correct time. So is he just he had that California vibe just kind of going with the flow I'm gonna do what I'm told and I mean for me it was very frustrating but you know so I kind of was more or less his uh his gatekeeper for the longest time. How how is that for you? I mean relatable, non-relatable?

SPEAKER_03 26:17

I think pretty similar I mentioned that earlier Ron still is very I don't want to know because I don't want to I don't need to read the prognosises. I don't need to know all the details so he I think just trust me to kind of do that research similar to you ash and like immediately try to figure out what's within our control because we can't control the chemo we can't control really how his body handles it and what happens to the tumors but we can control nutrition and exercise minimally and you know try to look at some of the other things like strengthening your mind, meditation. We started looking at other opportunities to improve the outcome as much as we could or that's kind of where I invested all of my time and energy.

SPEAKER_04 27:03

I love that. So Ron, how how are you guys doing I mean how are you doing now? I I know obviously you're on you know some you know still some health things kind of going on with you but tell me how you I mean I still intend to live forever.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

I think that that's one of the first things that I told Kate post diagnosis. Uh I remember standing in our bedroom on that Friday that June 23rd and had the radiology report and you know it was it was emotional that I told Kate I was like I'm gonna live forever and that's still the intent. I am currently on my second clinical trial up in North Carolina so I get treated in the Charlotte area up in Huntersville every three weeks.

SPEAKER_04 27:54

Goodness now Kate do you go with Ron when he's going to North Carolina still?

SPEAKER_03 27:59

Good question. And that's like honestly something that I've always really struggled with because I think that's what's so hard about having cancer in your 30s because we can't I can't uh I have a job and a career and we have two little ones at home and I'd love to be there every other or every couple of weeks with Ron but I can't. So luckily it's very close. I mean it's a what 45 minute flight for you Ron and he can do it in a day. He kind of just leaves first thing in the morning gets the treatment and then is usually home in the evening or maybe he'll stay over like one night. And I think he has it pretty locked down now. It's been a couple years on this schedule. And also I've been there a few times to get to know the staff there, which that's a whole nother story on clinical trial staff. They're incredible and they care so much and we're so thankful for them and they take seriously the best care of him. Never forget when it was his birthday and he had to go for treatment and they like decorated his chair and had a cake and everyone was there to sing to him and it was just like so kind because I couldn't be there but they're truly we consider them family.

SPEAKER_04 29:03

Oh that's wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

That is wonderful. Now is there is since you're taking you know basically a plane to do some of these things uh is these experimental trials and everything are they making your like white blood count drop like chemo did or do is there any concerns with traveling like that?

SPEAKER_01 29:19

So previously the first clinical trial that I was on was in a chemotherapy immunotherapy hybrid. So I did have a lot of issues with my hemoglobin my my white blood cell count my red blood cell count basically all of my blood counts on my neutrophils um they they advised me that I should be wearing masks and protecting my immune system when I traveled commercially but it was kind of the nature nature of the beast you know had to get up there somehow and I had to get back to Jacksonville somehow.

SPEAKER_03 29:49

That is a good question though because we did find a really amazing nonprofit that originally when we just didn't know because my huge concern was he's going to be feeling terrible like maybe sick, throwing up whatever post-treatment and then he's gonna have to get on a flight and be around all these people. So yeah it was a huge concern up front and there is a nonprofit I'll have to find the name that they're specific to military and they offer free private flights. So he we did utilize them the first couple of rounds just until we kind of figured out like okay I think he's in a good spot he can handle it. He's not super sick after the treatment or like he doesn't start getting sick for like several days later so we use them up front and I'll have to find their name because they were they're awesome.

SPEAKER_01 30:35

Was it Veterans Airlift?

SPEAKER_03 30:37

That's it.

SPEAKER_04 30:38

Yeah you said Veterans Airlift?

SPEAKER_01 30:41

Yeah so it's basically Okay we'll have to uh we'll have to reach out to yeah it was it was basically a network of private pilots that donated their time and their fuel to transport folks that were going through urgent medical treatment. So you'd put in Kate would put in the request hey Ron needs to get from here to here on this date and back and that organization would put out to their network of pilots hey is anybody available to pick up this trip so so when you say pilots and everything are we talking commercial pilots we're talking about private p pilots like small crop dusters yeah that's what kind of what kind of travel was it so it it all depended so they weren't uh necessarily licensed commercial pilots they were these were private pilots one was a hobby pilot guy he was just like I like boats and I like planes you know he flew he flew me out of Tampa up to uh Charlotte one time another one was like a Cessna 182 and then probably the nicest one that I flew on it was it was a I cannot remember the type of jet that it was but it was like an eight seat jet that uh you know he picked me up in and it was almost as short as a commercial flight. You know, but the convenient thing about this is that you know you'd basically I'd bring my backpack on and walk to the plane and then we'd take off and we'd go fly. There's no TSA, there's nothing didn't really have to deal with people if I didn't want to deal with people which is which is beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Yeah it's it it's crazy how many different like nonprofits or programs are out there that no one knows about unless you start really researching. So we love doing this little podcast and talking to other veterans that went through this process because now we have another another organization we can be like hey go go to there if you need it.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

Yeah and I think that they were awesome. Another thing that active duty folks don't really know about is if you have available medical treatment that requires travel your command is responsible for paying for that getting you there and back. So I didn't know about this until we started this clinical trial and luckily I have a case manager who works on base and she introduced me to this program that's part of TRICARE and not only will they pay for my travel up there but if you have like a non-medical attendee need like if Kate ever needed to come with me they would also pay for her ticket up there as well along with you know per diem for her which ease the burden tremendously so is that like a program or is it just baked in that no one talks about do you have any additional information on that and you said TRICARE so does that mean anyone in TriCare can utilize this too? Yeah so uh I worked it through the naval hospital here on here in Jacksonville but very very easy process to get the appropriate paperwork to my command and then I don't know if if you're familiar with DTS, the defense travel system. So just like any travel that you're uh that you're scheduling through the Navy that's how I book all of my travel up for treatment uh just like a normal travel claim as if I was traveling for business.

SPEAKER_04 33:59

That's good advice I'm absolutely loving the fact that you're able to travel for your infusions in a jet that's one way to one way to be able to get there.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

Yeah it we don't do that anymore.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

It was just in the first place and the front no that's awesome.

SPEAKER_04 34:15

So what is uh I mean what what is that like whenever you're having your down days is your command you know really supportive I know like when I was going through surgery or when I have my baby you know they gave me 45 days of convalescent leave but is it kind of just rolling you just let them know that hey I'm not feeling good today and they're accommodating or what what does that look like for you know so there are a few silver linings throughout this entire process and my work situation is definitely one of those silver linings.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

So I was on short or still am uh when I was diagnosed so I wasn't deploying and once I brought the diagnosis to the command it it turned into a hey whatever you need type situation how can the command support you and luckily uh the department that I work in I have 20 high functioning lieutenants that are able to kind of carry the water when I'm out so workflow is seamless regardless of whether I'm in the office or not so that that kind of added to my flexibility with work. But never once have I gotten any pushback on the work side of things and it's just some way that I'm that I'm that I'm lucky to be in the command that I'm in. I think that rank also has a lot to do with it unfortunately. I'm an 05 right now so there's there has never been much pushback on hey where are you? The command kind of takes my word for it hand in treatment and I'm not feeling human right now so I will be working from home if at all.

SPEAKER_04 35:47

Not the case for everybody and I realized in any type of like training exercise like for your annuals?

SPEAKER_01 35:55

No I know we have like the PFTs in the in the Marine Corps but you know anything like that or are you uh are you exempt from I'm actually exempt and I have been since my diagnosis so they still do my BCAs, you know my my body composition assessment and everything like that once or twice a year and then everything physical is way so what what is the plan for after retirement?

SPEAKER_04 36:18

Are you looking at uh you know a future career and you know kind of doing the same thing that you're doing now?

SPEAKER_01 36:23

No, that was never that was never the the plan. I I kind of wanted to distance myself from anything maybe a contractor related. Um if I if I woke up and I found myself doing the same thing I'm doing now but in a civilian you know polo I don't think that that would be very fulfilling for me. I joked with Kate and I have joked with her for years about you know not really wanting not really knowing what I want to be when I grow up because you know I've been I've been in the Navy since I was 17 and I'm 39 now. So still some thought that needs to go into that I think that we're we're evolving every day and we're kind of figuring out our way um with my diagnosis being a big part of you know post-D life.

SPEAKER_03 37:18

I want to add to that a little bit because I think one of the things about being in the military is that you're constantly thinking about like what's next? What's next? What's my next duty station what's my next promotion we would move somewhere and immediately be thinking about where are we going next like that was a constant conversation. And I will say I'm appreciative of cancer in this way that we've certainly slowed things down and tried to just appreciate where we're at right now like today and not think too far beyond next week and like although we'd love to think two years out we just I feel like we can we can't we can only look at like the next few weeks and where we're at right now and just be like so appreciative for that. So I think cancer has changed our mindset in that way and not that we're not career driven or that Ron's not career driven and is just like oh well we'll figure it out but it's taken the pressure off weirdly of of having or feeling like we have to have it all figured out constantly and I don't know if you guys experienced that too.

SPEAKER_04 38:20

Yeah and I mean we obviously I mean I I quit my job up in Chicago and we moved to Florida on a whim. Did you really you know we we did we absolutely did I remember I you know and you do bring up a really good point about you know just the feeling that gratitude and and everything cancer and I say this almost to everybody I meet was the best worst experience for the both of us because it brought us together as a as a couple you hear others say you know that they you know that they didn't make it through a you know a diagnosis like this because cancer will make or break a family you know and it's really kind of looking back on those vows and and relying on you know each other for it. But at the end of the day like we kept on saying like first of all we had a dream that once he completed chemo that we were going to go to Orlando go to Universal spend a week there in our happy place and we decided to move to Florida based off of that. We should have moved to Orlando I mean I love Jacksonville but Orlando is is uh is is somewhere that we really wanted to be able to go. I just know that we probably would have gone broke if we lived any closer to the parks. So but I mean it it it is trying to find those moments of being able to just live for the you know the the day to day because I know when I was working at Rush Hospital and I loved my job. I love my colleagues I mean I the the mission was there. I was just absolutely thrilled doing what I was doing. But I was doing it a lot and I was not focusing on the on the family. I mean we all wear these different you know hats and titles and you know at the end of the day you kind of you know forget about what's really important and cancer and you know for us you know I was watching him in the infusion chair whenever he was in the ICU or you know wherever and you know we found out that we kind of had to like relearn each other one you know for ourselves but then also as a couple too because we let life kind of get in the way and for us I mean it was really nice to connect again you know on that level that's so interesting that you say that because Kate and I I would say that our priorities shifted drastically you know overnight.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

Um a lot more emphasis on work-life balance now focusing on the things that actually matter at the end of the day and at the end of the day the only thing that matters are experiences together as a family uh you know watching the children grow and their experiences making sure that they're happy and fulfilled you know and again to reiterate what gay was saying it's we don't we're not discounting our work lives but we realize that they're far more important things than work. And it was it was a good recaging tool for us to realize that well we're approaching the end but I got a few questions.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

Trust me it's gonna be pretty easy for the most part either one of you, but I want to start with with Kate um what is one funny thing that's happened since you know you got the or he's uh Ron got the diagnosis until today. There's gotta be one funny story that happened.

SPEAKER_03 41:14

A funny story I I gotta think about that. Ron, if you have one off the top of your head go. I have to think there have obviously been plenty of fun moments but funny I have to let Casey share his story then.

SPEAKER_00 41:29

One of my funny ones here's one of my funny ones I love it. It's my favorite she has a different one but my favorite one is right before I had to get Orkyotomy you know my testicle removed that had cancer in it. Her mother my mother-in-law brought us uh a go bag basically because we instantly went to the hospital didn't pack anything toothbrush nothing she it was close to Christmas so she brought nutcracker socks that that was the only thing nutcracker sock and I had them on and I I had them on or sorry she had them on that's right and she put it on my bed from the chair to the to the bed right I was like well hell that's offensive. It said cracked it. Yeah it said cracked it and I'm going into surgery that it like that day or the next morning. I just thought it was so so funny that I called in the nurse the next time she came in. I was like tell me if this is offensive she busted a gut too yeah we had people rolling that's probably one of my favorite little memories from that.

SPEAKER_03 42:21

We probably I can't think of a specific moment but Ron's Ron's always had a sense of humor and that's how he's gotten you know out of any serious situation is his sense of humor. And I don't even know if this is going to come across funny if I say it out loud, but I giggled he uh had like a really close friend that was deployed at the time when he got his diagnosis and his friend was like hey I'm gonna be back in like September can I see you before you know when I get back and Ron immediately told me he was like you can but I'll be I'll be dead by then so I like and this guy I think he started crying like it was like one of Ron's best friends like started crying and he's like dude no yes I'll be here in September come see me when you're out and that's kind of our but uh yeah that dark humor is military so you know that's pr that's as dark as you can probably get it keeps my teeth white uh just you know messing with people like that.

SPEAKER_01 43:18

I I kind of I'm able to separate out what I truly believe about my my prognosis and that positive mindset and you know the dark sense of humor side. So telling people that I'm a goner probably isn't funny to some but it was hilarious to me and it kept my spirits up but sorry I and yeah at the end of the day that's all that matters is you're having a good time I gotta say though I mean were you uh were you FaceTime or was it just a phone call because I would have to do this is a case followed by an urgent FaceTime.

SPEAKER_00 43:53

Yeah No I'll be dead man don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_01 43:56

So this is this is probably like July August time frame and he was coming back in October. So it wasn't that long.

SPEAKER_00 44:06

Now, did you just leave him hanging for a few minutes? You know, like you saw you read it or something, you left him hanging for like two hours.

SPEAKER_01 44:13

FaceTime call. Yeah. So I thought that that was I didn't think that him being as upset as he was was funny. It was more more so like a way for me to relieve stress myself, but it was I was I was actually pretty flattered at how emotional he thought about it. Somebody did care, but I realized that that's not for everybody.

SPEAKER_04 44:39

I mean, for our community, I will say that it kind of fits right in with our group at least. Now, this is this is something that drives me absolutely crazy, but it's also my funny story that I get to you know share on Casey. So we got really hardcore into telling people, you know, basically go check your nuts in a very protective conversation or whatever. But um, because he had testicular cancer, you know, he was all about like, hey, go go do the self-check. And so like he had one of his really good friends from you know back in the day call and was like, Hey, I was thinking about you in the shower. And I'm like, What? You're thinking about my husband in the shower. So then, I mean, that ended up being a you know, a a big, you know, a big joke with us because anytime that they would call, but you know, you have to find those those moments of of laughter because if not, I mean, just crying and being depressed all the time is just a really, really crappy way to be able to live. But before we before we get off, what is that one piece of advice that you would give as a caregiver? And then the one piece of advice that you give to somebody that is currently going through cancer. Kate, let's start with you.

SPEAKER_03 45:38

For the caregivers perspective, this is gonna sound really selfish, but it is so true. You have to take care of yourself first. And I think initially I was not doing that. I was just running around trying to take care of the kids. And I told Ron, I'm like, you don't have to do anything, I'll do it all. And I mean, that lasted a couple months before I broke down. I was like, I can't there's no way I can maintain this. There's no way. So finding out what makes you feel your strongest. And for me, that's I like meditation, I like getting some form of exercise in in the morning, my gratitude journal at the end of the night, like those are the things that kind of keep me going. And if I miss any of those things, oh, in sleep, need at least seven hours of good solid sleep. Like if I start to miss those things, I cannot show up for Ron or for the kids. So for me, and I would give that advice to any caregiver going through this, like you have to find what makes you feel best and strongest and pursue that constantly. Really prioritize that.

SPEAKER_00 46:44

Yeah, that's great advice. It's just like the reason why they tell us on an airplane, put your mask on before you help someone else. You have to do it that way. You'll both fail if one of you can't breathe or is too stressed out in this situation.

SPEAKER_04 46:58

Ron, before we get uh before before we get to you though, Ron, I I I do want to follow up on that, Kate, because not everybody knows how to do self-care. I I didn't know how to do self-care. And so I love that you gave examples of like the gratitude journal, but I also want to give one that a nurse actually gave me whenever he was in the ICU because he popped a pimple. But it was just go take a shower. Because I told her, I was like, I don't, I don't know what I'm sitting there like crying in front of the nurse's station. I was like, I don't know what I was doing, you know. I mean, it was just I I was a complete mess. And she's like, just go take a shower. And I was like, I can't go take a shower because you can't take a shower, you know. It's like they gotta like sponge bath. I was like, just sponge bath me, you know. So but being able to, you know, just do something as simple as take a shower really does help it in in those moments. But if not, like you give some great advice. And Ron, I want to hear from you now. What was your what what is your advice to those that are kicking?

SPEAKER_01 47:47

Just going back to what Kate was saying. I've said it from the onset, and I don't say this facetiously. Um, I would be dead if it wasn't for Kate. So her being able to prioritize her health uh really helped me get through this journey. But my piece of advice to anybody that's going through it right now is it it takes a lot of energy to maintain a positive mindset, and you're inevitably gonna sink into a dark place every once in a while at least, as you hit treatment lows, as treatments fail and you move to the next one. But a constant mindset on aggressively pursuing positivity, man. The way that I can frame this is when I had my colon resection back in October, I ended up with an ileostomy. So I was pooping on the outside of my body, and I had this bag of bag of poop attached to me for six months, and very, very easy to get in to sink into a negative mindset with that. But taking a step back and realizing that it was a utility that was helping me survive, like I was legitimately alive because of that bag of poop that was attached to me was a way to shift a negative into a positive, and that's just kind of one example where it took some fancy footwork, but getting from a negative headspace into a positive helped tremendously. I would say that you know the mental journey is gonna be a lot tougher than the physical. Chemotherapy sucks, but it's far more difficult to get through mentally than it is physically. Physical pain, extremely fleeting, difficult to remember what it felt like. But if you can keep yourself in a positive mental headspace overall, uh it's gonna it's gonna pay dividends for sure, and it's gonna continue to pay dividends.

SPEAKER_04 49:37

Good advice from the both of you guys. Well, Kate, Ron, thank you so much for joining us on our show. Always welcome back. Uh, you know, we would love to be able to see you at our peer support groups too. I know that you guys are local to us. So if you're ever in the uh Green Cove, you know, Springs area, third Friday at Black Rifle, 4 30 is uh or 4 o'clock. Four o'clock. Four o'clock. Yes, is uh is where we sit there and meet its caregivers. I mean, we bring our kid too, so I mean they just kind of go off into the sun and play Nintendo. But um, we'd love to be able to have you guys come out and meet others, if not, no pressure. But again, thank you so much for joining us, you know, on the show. We appreciate it. And best of luck to the both of you guys, especially as you continue on with your immunotherapy and and all of your ventures still in the military.

SPEAKER_01 50:16

We'll appreciate the time and uh you guys spreading awareness.

SPEAKER_04 50:19

Yeah, thank you so much for for having us. It was awesome just getting to talk with you both.